Abuse? In Church? SEXUAL abuse in Church? Yes, families living behind white picket fences, driving minivans, and leading Bible studies, men in Church every time the DOOR is open. Some of these men, in our Churches, are raping, beating or otherwise abusing their wives and children. How must the Church, it’s leaders and members, respond to this?

Or do we simply stick our heads in the sand and hope no one will notice?

The God-fearing woman being abused by her God-fearing husband, has no place to hide. She goes to her church, a place of safety and refuge, only to be turned away. She is told; "It can’t be THAT bad" or; "You just need to submit and He’ll come around" or she’s simply told; "There is nothing we can do"

Church-going women who love the Lord, are being hurt, abused, even raped by their Church-going husbands who ALSO love the Lord. In fact, sometimes the abusive husband is the Pastor! And, sometimes the victim is the daughter.

Have you ever wondered why men are told to love their wives, but women are not told to love their husbands? Because a woman will love the drunk, lying, abusive or evil man they married, in the face of almost ANY level of abuse.. just because he’s her husband. She will blame herself for the abuse, she will forgive him again and again.

What responsibility does the Church Body have to the abused wife?

The First responsibility we have is to BELIEVE HER!!!!

The Second, is to PROTECT HER

The third is to MINISTER TO HER, to her children and, yes, to her husband.

I can hear you now... "But what if she’s lying?"

Fine, what if she is? It is better to protect a woman lying, than to abandon ALL those telling the truth.

And, I am not telling you to go to war with the husband, but to minister to the family, in a way that protects the safety and welfare of each member.

Once a woman shares with you that she is being abused she needs someone to come alongside, listen to her, believe her, and to help her work out a plan. A plan for her personal safety and for the safety of her children. She needs to be reassured that she is not the one at fault, that abuse is truly the fault of the abuser (I know that sounds obvious), and that there IS a way of escape. She needs to know that the church body will stand behind her.

And what of the husband? He may have learned his behavior from his own father. He may truly believe he is not at fault. He may claim he cannot control his behavior. Each of these issues needs to be dealt with in counseling, in anger management classes, maybe 12 step programs, maybe in parenting classes. In fact. I believe we need FATHERING classes.

The wife must not be abandoned to a supposedly reformed husband, simply on his promise to never do it again. There must be continued interaction with the pastoral or counseling staff, including unannounced home visits. The wife must be assured of quick and easy access to outside support. The children also need help, and continued support.

What of the husband who will not cooperate with counseling?

First of all, in these cases WE MUST ASSUME GUILT. This is much like the driver who refuses a breathalizer test; his guilt is assumed. To counsel a Christian woman just to ‘tough it out" in hopes her abusive husband will come around is NOT what the Bible teaches.

We are to MINISTER to the downtrodden, the victims, the injured. To protect them from their oppressors. The abused wife, ultimately must be protected, and even supported, by her family of believers.

T his statement  authored by: Pastor Mark Elliott

Your input is welcome

Discussion:

Comment:  "...but Men are also abused."
Response:  "Yes, I realize this. However my point is that the Church is failing these abused saints"